Jokes ….

Was randomly browsing the net when i came across the following:

Circuit, bole toh yeh Ford kya hai?
Bhai, gaadi hai.
Toh phir, yeh Oxford kya hai?
Bole toh, simple hai bhai, Ox mane Bael, Ford mane gaadi. Oxford bole toh Baelgaadi.

Sardar Jokes:
Santa Singh sent his bio data to America to apply for a post in intel. A few days later he got this reply:- Dear Mr. Singh, You do not meet our requirements. Please do not send any further correspondence. No phone call shall be entertained. Thanks

Santa singh jumped with joy on receiving this reply. He arranged a party and when all the guests had come, he said Bhaiyon aur Behno,aap ko jaan kar khushi hogee ki mujhay america mein naukri mil gayee hai.” Everyone was delighted. Santa singh continued Ab main aap sab ko apnaa appointment letter padkar sunaongaa par letter english main hai isliyen saath-saath hindi main translate bhee kartaa jaongaa.

Dear Mr. Singh—–pyare singh sahab

You do not meet—-aap to miltay hee naheen ho

our requirement—-humko to zaroorat hai

Please do not send any furthur correspondance—-ab letter vetter bhejnay kee zaroorat nahee hai.

No phone call —-phone vone kee bhee zaroorat nahee hai

shall be entertained—-bahut khaatir kee jayegi.

Thanks—-aapkaa bahut bahut shukriya

Programming Humour

A few of my recent posts have been related to something interesting i find on StumbleUpon.Continuing this till i can figure out something really interesting to write on my own……:)

Interviewer: “Is studying computer science the best way to prepare to be a programmer?”

Bill Gates: “No, the best way to prepare is to write programs, and to study great
programs that other people have written. In my case, I went to
the garbage cans at the Computer Science Center and I fished
out listings of their operating system.”

DEBUGGING : Removing the needles from the haystack.

Endless Loop: n., see Loop, Endless.
Loop, Endless: n., see Endless Loop.
– Random Shack Data Processing Dictionary

“It is practically impossible to teach good programming style to students that have had prior exposure
to BASIC; as potential programmers they are mentally mutilated beyond hope of regeneration.”

“The three most dangerous things in the world are a programmer with a
soldering iron, a hardware type with a program patch and a user with an idea.”
– _The Wizardry Compiled_ by Rick Cook

“The primary purpose of the DATA statement is to give names to constants; instead of
referring to pi as 3.141592653589793 at every appearance, the variable PI can be given
that value with a DATA statement and used instead of the longer form of the constant.
This also simplifies modifying the program, should the value of pi change.”
– FORTRAN manual for Xerox computers

“C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot. C++ makes it
harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg.”
– Bjarne Stroustrup

“Programming graphics in X is like finding sqrt(pi) using Roman numerals.”
– Henry Spencer

“Never put off until run time what you can do at compile time.”
– David Gries, in “Compiler Construction for Digital Computers”, circa 1969.

BASIC programmers never die, they GOSUB and don’t RETURN.

Real programmers are surprised when the odometers in their cars don’t turn from 99,999 to 99,99A.

FORTRAN is not a language. It’s a way of turning a multi-million
dollar mainframe into a $50 programmable scientific calculator.

C is almost a real language. Even the name sounds like it’s gone through
an optimizing compiler. Get rid of all of those stupid brackets and we’ll talk.

Any sufficiently advanced bug is indistinguishable from a feature.

Programming is 10% science, 25% ingenuity and 65% getting the ingenuity to work with the science.

Science is to computer science as hydrodynamics is to plumbing.

We don’t really understand it, so we’ll give it to the programmers.

COBOL programmers understand why women hate periods.

Computer interfaces and user interfaces are as different as night and 1.

The human mind ordinarily operates at only ten 10% of its
capacity, the rest is overhead for the operating system.

A computer scientist is someone who fixes things that aren’t broken.

The computer is mightier than the pen, the sword, and usually the programmer.

Programming is an art form that fights back.

After a number of decimal places, who cares?

“Virtual” means never knowing where your next byte is coming from.

If at first you don’t succeed, you must be a programmer.

“It’s 5:50 a.m., Do you know where your stack pointer is?”

If God had intended humans to program, we would be born with serial I/O ports.

There are two ways to write error-free programs; only the third one works.

You never finish a program, you just stop working on it.

Deliver yesterday, code today, think tomorrow.

PL/1, “the fatal disease”, belongs more to the problem set than to the solution set.

Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of APL, I shall fear
no evil, for I can string six primitive monadic and dyadic operators together.

Programming is a lot like sex. One mistake and you could have to support it the rest of your life.

Another Glitch in the Call
(Sung to the tune of a Pink Floyd song)

We don’t need no indirection
We don’t need no flow control
No data typing or declarations
Did you leave the lists alone?

Hey! Hacker! Leave those lists alone!

All in all, it was, just a pure-LISP function call.
All in all, it was, just a pure-LISP function call.

You can’t make a program without broken egos.


Found these while stumblingupon again……Maybe chaat for some….;)

Q: What does the Little Mermaid wear to math class?
A: An algebra.

Q: What is the shape of a dead parrot?
A: A polygon.

Q: Why did the mathematician-dentist name is son Pi?
A: Because everyone knows pi is transcendental.

Q: What’s the difference between a PhD in Mathematics and a large pizza.
A: The pizza can feed a family of four.

=>  Math problems? Call 1-800-[4-x(2 pi)2]-sin(b)/xy.

Theorem: A cat has nine tails. Proof: No cat has eight tails. A cat has one more tail than no cat. Therefore, a cat has 8+1=9 tails. QED.

The ark lands after the Flood. Noah lets all the animals out, saying, “Go and multiply.” Several months pass. Noah decides to check up on the animals. All are doing fine except a pair of snakes. “What’s the problem?” asks Noah. “Cut down some trees and let us live there,” say the snakes. Noah follows their advice. Several more weeks pass. Noah checks on the snakes again. Lots of little snakes crawl over the earth, and everybody is happy. Perplexed, Noah asks, “Want to tell me how the trees helped?” “Certainly,” say the snakes. “We’re adders, and we need logs to multiply.”

You know you’re a mathematician if you’ve ever wondered how Euler pronounced Euclid.